Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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