here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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