Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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