Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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