Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
