I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
