Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
