I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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