apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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