Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
