Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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