I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
