Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
