Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
