I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
