3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How external is "for external use only"?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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