when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
