I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
