Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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