i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
