If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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