If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
