i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
