U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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