This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
