There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
