the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
