I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
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