You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
