Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
