just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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