then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So many bounce houses so little time
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
