I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
wanna go halves on a baby?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
