All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
