How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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