Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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