I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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