yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
