Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
