First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
