My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I want her autograph on my taint
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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