The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I need to align my fucking chakras
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
