I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
