i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
