ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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