I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
