I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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