why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
