You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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