Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
