Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
