That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
