Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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