Since when is my name a synonym for head?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
